I barricaded the door, but they slipped in through the cracks. They seem to be everywhere, and there aren’t enough blankets or beds to hide under. So I’m trying something novel—I’m inviting them in for tea, exploring what happens if I stop trying to avoid the little beasties that seemingly just won’t go away.Demons can manifest in many dastardly ways. As the voices that whisper persuasively that you are destined to fail. Demons can grab you by the throat and shake you when you listen to the news, or they can be the fears that assail you when you leave the cozy cover of your bedroom.For instance, if you pulled an all-nighter to prepare for a job interview, your exhaustion might be what gives your demons their ferocious fuel. Suddenly, your heart’s racing. And then like freakin’ flying monkeys, the demons arrive: “They’re never going to hire me! I’m too old, too young, too tall, too me!”Now you’re wondering why you were so foolhardy as to even apply for this job. As the demon forces gather strength, you look for ways to numb the effects of the threat-chemicals that are charging through your bloodstream. You want to run to the local bar or leave the galaxy altogether. Or perhaps the wildly cascading thoughts and feelings would just love a soothing cup of tea instead? Doesn’t that sound nice?
Why You Should Invite (and Even Welcome) Your Inner Demons to Tea
It makes sense that you might not want to invite in distressing thoughts and emotions. But when they are already in, avoiding them doesn’t seem to do anything except to cause them to roar all the more. Part of your tea party includes being a good host by recognizing which demonic thoughts have come for a visit, bombastically blaring their bullhorns. Who are they? Name them. They want to be heard, so hear them. Once they have spun their story, you could ask yourself if there’s any evidence that their stories are even true. Maybe they’re just spinning a tall tale and, like any tea party gossip, you can listen with compassion and understanding without becoming attached to every word. Now, you can have empathy for the emotions that are arming those demons. Emotions also want to be invited in for tea. Usually, one sip is enough to settle them. You don’t have to get rid of these emotions. You don’t have to do anything except to notice what has been stirred up. Then, you can welcome the sensations that are surging through your body: Feel the tugs and tightening, notice the numbness and sweatiness. Tenderly welcome the whole maelstrom in. Once you can make some small peace with the de- mons that come to call, you can explore creative ways to welcome what just keeps showing up, dammit. Earl Grey, anyone?
The Three-Minute Responsive Breathing Space
The three-minute breathing space, developed as part of Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), can help you manage monstrous moments. Explore it for yourself and see if you notice whether it helps you find calm when demons threaten to sink your spirits and squelch all hopes of joy.
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Elaine Smookler November 27, 2021
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